As decorations and holiday music are flooding the stores, advertisements remind us to plan gift/shopping lists, and invitations to parties start rolling in it's normal to have a mixture of emotions.
The hope is that we will be filled with feelings of gratitude, love and connection to our communities; however it's often not that simple. It's normal to feel stressed and overwhelmed during the holidays; sometimes having even more difficult feelings to cope with like anxiety, loneliness, depression, resentment, or worse.
There are some key things we can do to manage the pressures and emotional triggers of the holidays.
Here is a guide from previous posts I've written including How to Set Limits (Saying No), Invisible Grief, and Coping With Anxiety. Each section has a link to the original, full post:
Permission to Say "No" (read full article here)
Trying our best to meet the endless list of expectations put upon us often leads to resentment, anger, anxiety or depression. This instensifies if our own needs and feelings don't seem to matter to others.
It's normal to fear disappointing people and making them angry with us; however, setting limits is a critical part of surviving the holiday season (and life in general). It's essential to remember that your own emotional wellbeing matters as much as others' - in fact you have a legitimate, basic human right to say no, possibly disappointing others sometimes - doing so does not make you a bad person....even if people try to make you feel that way!
It's normal to fear disappointing people and making them angry with us; however, setting limits is a critical part of surviving the holiday season (and life in general). It's essential to remember that your own emotional wellbeing matters as much as others' - in fact you have a legitimate, basic human right to say no, possibly disappointing others sometimes - doing so does not make you a bad person....even if people try to make you feel that way!
Invisible Grief (read full article here)
Certainly the loss of a loved one, no matter how long ago, can trigger feelings of grief during the holidays. Something that can be even harder to bear is Invisible Grief - losses that others can't easily see: spending the holidays apart from family members (children who are grown, or college students who can't come home), losing a friendship, estrangement within your family or losing a support system such a job, group, club or community, etc.
When our grief is invisble we don't receive the support, compassion or understanding we typically get during loss. This can deepen feelings of isolation and complicate our ability to cope.
If you're struggling with grief - visible or invisible - consider sharing your feelings with others and allowing yourself to ask for support.
Managing Anxiety
Holiday anxiety tends to center around 3 factors:
- Fear Of Upsetting/Disappointing Others (read more here)
As mentioned above, holiday pressure is enormous and often unrealistic. Remember that you are allowed to say no and/or disappoint others sometimes; doing so does not make you a bad person.
Healthy relationships should be able to tolerate disappointment and allow for each person to negotiate meeting their needs. If your needs are not accepted, it's possible you have a bigger issue going on - the health of the relationship.
Healthy relationships should be able to tolerate disappointment and allow for each person to negotiate meeting their needs. If your needs are not accepted, it's possible you have a bigger issue going on - the health of the relationship.
- Feeling Powerless (read more here)
The bombardment of demands and pressure during the holidays can easily make us feel powerless and overwhelmed. Instead of focusing on what you cannot do, focus on the things you can do to empower yourself and reclaim a feeling of some control.
You can decide which activites are important to you and select only those
You can make your tasks more realistic and managable
You can say no to things that make you feel bad.
You can decide which activites are important to you and select only those
You can make your tasks more realistic and managable
You can say no to things that make you feel bad.
- Focusing On The Past Or The Future (read more here)
This is the most common way people panic themselves: focusing on something upsetting from the past (which the holidays can easily trigger) or catastrophising the future.
Simple mindfulness strategies can quickly and effectively bring us back to the present moment and undo this type of anxiety.
To survive the stress and emotions of the holidays create a list of the things that are most important to you, a plan for achieving those things, and allow yourself to say no to whatever feels upsetting or overwhelming.
To survive the stress and emotions of the holidays create a list of the things that are most important to you, a plan for achieving those things, and allow yourself to say no to whatever feels upsetting or overwhelming.
If we can remember that the holidays are a time of celebration, appreciation and thankfulness, and reconnecting with people and things that are important to us, it becomes much easier to navigate the demands of the season.
