Do you know your rights? Not just your legal rights but, more importantly, your rights as a human being? Let's find out.
Do you know that, simply because you exist, your needs and experiences are valid? It sounds great, but many people don't truly embrace self-acceptance and validation. Below is the list of "Your Legitimate Rights" (McKay, Wood, Brantley). Recently in my practice, I find myself pulling out this list almost daily to read to patients. Most people struggle with one or more of these, some are shocked to hear they have such rights, and others are scared to act upon them.
Read through the list and see if any of them cause an emotional reaction in you. Also, see if you interact with others in ways that support your rights (and theirs), or if you find some of these rights hard to embrace.
1. You have a right to need things from others.
2. You have a right to put yourself first sometimes.
3. You have a right to feel and express your emotions or your pain.
4. You have the right to be the final judge of your beliefs and accept them as legitimate.
5. You have the right to your opinions and convictions.
6. You have the right to your experience - even if it's different from that of other people.
7. You have the right to protest any treatment or criticism that feels bad to you.
8. You have a right to negotiate for change.
9. You have a right to ask for help, emotional support, or anything else you need (even though you may not always get it).
10. You have a right to say no; saying no doesn't make you bad or selfish.
11. You have a right not to jusitfy yourself to others.
12. You have a right not to take responsibility for someone else's problem.
13. You have a right to choose not to respond to a situation.
14. You have a right, sometimes, to inconvenience or disappoint others.
These are basic, human rights that, ideally, you should feel comfortable embracing and acting upon. Living by these legitimate rights is the first step towards safe, meaningful relationships; respecting that others have these same same rights is the second step.
If you found some of these hard to believe perhaps, at one time in your life, you were taught that your needs and feelings are not valid.
In my next blog I will share the 8 toxic aversive strategies that destroy relationships and how to handle them.
Note: This blog has been ammended since it was published. A link to the 8 Aversive Strategies is now available. Click here to read that blog post.
*(The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook; 2007; McKay, Matthew, Ph.D.; Wood, Jeffrey, Psy.D.; Brantley, Jeffrey, MD)
