How many times have you been in a
situation where you know you are right and the other person is wrong? How often
do you stay stuck in an argument or feud because of this?
This happens all the time with our
significant others, our children, friends, co-workers, basically anyone in our
lives; and it can be maddening when we KNOW we are right but the other person
isn't listening - or worse, they just don't care. We often see this in divorces
- one person will not let go of a battle no matter what the financial or
emotional cost.
It's always upsetting to be treated
unfairly. When we have childhoods or pasts in which we felt dismissed and
unimportant, it can be unbearable to be treated unfairly and we can lose sight
of our rationality. We can lock ourselves in a battle to the death to prove we
are right.
But you need to ask yourself what
price your need for justification comes with? Will it lead you to bitterness
and anger, alienate you from loved ones and friends, cost you tens of thousands
of dollars in legal fees, will it cost you your inner peace, sleep and good
health?
Years ago, a mentor of mine said "you
can be right, or you can be helpful". Often it comes down to just such a
choice, and the people/person you help may be yourself, your children, your
significant other, your friends or loved ones. You can let go of the need to be
"the right one". Instead, find your
validation elsewhere and start the process of building peace in your life.
The next time you find yourself
engaged in a battle to prove you're right, ask yourself if it's worth it. If
the price tag includes severing relationships, hostility, collateral damage and
high finances, are you willing to pay that price, or can you find a way to let
go of being justified and work on re-building the connections that got damaged
along the way?
