Blame doesn't make things better, it corrodes our relationships and prevents us from fixing what's wrong. So why do we keep doing it?
There are two reasons people like to place blame, Dr. Brene Brown, research professor, explains in her video.
The first reason is that blaming someone releases our anger and give us back a sense of control. Pointing the finger at someone can quickly make us think we feel better. However, this is a false sense of improvement.
The second reason people blame is to avoid accountability. Accountability requires several things from us: we have to share our feelings, engage in a conversation about those feelings, and we have to look at our own contribution to the situation. As Brown explains, "people who blame a lot seldom have the tenacity and grit to hold people accountable". It's much easier to point a finger at someone else and release some anger, but this comes with a price.
When we blame rather than discuss our feelings we shut down the opportunity to be understood and to understand others. We deepen our sense of feeling mistreated and misunderstood and we actually perpetuate the issue at hand and increase the conflict and stress in our lives.
The next time you find yourself pointing a finger at someone as the cause of your stress, try instead to tell them what's making you feel angry or hurt. This may feel uncomfortable and vulnerable; however, ironically, it is when we become most vulnerable that we have the potential to become stronger and improve our relationships and lives.
