Desperation.
What a horrible feeling. Hopefully not one you have often and yet it may effect
you more than you realize.
A recent article
I read quoted Sharon Stone talking about women and their desperation to be loved
and treated in ways that validate their self-worth. This got me
thinking.
I see this type
of desperation in people all day long; in not just women, but men as well.
Rather than finding their self-worth internally and living from an inner place
of self-acceptance and confidence, people chase down positive feelings from the
world around them all the time, although they may not realize this is what
they’re doing. They seek to feel liked, accepted, lovable, validated,
admired, in control, etc. Seeking these external sources of validation
and comfort can lead to risky and dangerous behaviors that may sabotage
relationships, physical health, self-esteem and career. The more we feel the
need for external approval and comfort, the more desperate we become to have
it. This becomes a destructive cycle and
robs us of our power.
When
we feel the desperate need for someone else to like us, approve of us, etc, then
we are powerlessly waiting for that to happen. We may try to manipulate things
in order to get that approval or validation by
pretending to be someone we're not, behaving in attention-seeking ways, being
combative to prove a point, risking our health for an unrealistic beauty/weight
goal. Sadly, we are still at the mercy of someone else: "I
will feel loveable and valuable when so-and-so likes me; or apologizes to me; or
pays attention to me"; "I will finally be happy when my significant other/parents/family stop treating me
in this way or that; "I will hide
my true feelings because others will not like me or will laugh at me if I
don't".
Think
about the ways in which you may seek validation or positive feelings
from others and to what lengths you will go to attain that. Imagine how it would
feel to carry a sense of wholeness and completeness within you regardless of
what the neighbors, your family or others may say. What external validation
would you have to give up in order to feel that type of peace, and is that
something you may be ready to do? Perhaps all you need resides inside you—
you just need to find it.
