Knock-Knock…..It’s Your Anger.  I Have Something To Tell You

We’ve all been there: yelling, clenched fists or teeth, perhaps an intense feeling of being right, or having been wronged, feeling like no one understands….leading to an overwhelming sense of anger.

What do you do with your anger?

                Do you explode?

                Do you become sarcastic or mean?

                Do you stuff it inside?

                Do you redirect it into some other behavior that is self-destructive?

How do you feel after you’ve been angry?

                Frustrated?

                Ashamed? 

                Confused?

                Scared?

How are your relationships after an instance of anger?

                Damaged?

                Conflicted?

Anger is an important and misunderstood emotion.  In most cases, anger is there to protect us from the more vulnerable feelings of sadness and hurt.  Something happens that makes us feel hurt and/or sad (betrayal, de-validation, etc.) but it’s too hard to expose those feelings, so our anger steps in and comes to our defense.  While this makes a lot of sense, it tends to wreak havoc in our relationships and sometimes within ourselves if we engage in self-destructive behaviors.

The anger you feel has important information for you if you can listen to it.  The next time you are angry, ask yourself what vulnerable feelings might be hiding beneath your anger.  See if you can feel safe enough to express them, first to yourself and next to someone else.   With practice and increased awareness (and possibly some support and help), you can begin to react differently when you get hurt or sad and you may find that you act upon your anger in healthier, less destructive ways.

Brick Walls

Brick walls are an inevitable part of life.  Disappointment, rejection, delays, heartache...they are unavoidable.
I love to read and am often reading several books at once.  Recently, I read a book I couldn't put down: Randy Pausch's Last Lecture.  In the book he talks about brick walls and says "Brick walls are not there to keep you out.  They are there to show you how badly you want something". 
This struck me as very wise and as a wonderful way to approach life.  We cannot control what life throws at us, but we can control the way we perceive it and react.  In fact, I think the people who are the most successful and happiest probably approach life's challenges not as brick walls that stop them in their tracks, but as opportunties to see how badly they want something and how creative they can be in achieving their goal. 
Ask yourself what brick walls you are facing right now.  See if you are perceiving them as dead ends which stop you from moving forward or if they are there to show you how badly you want something. 
How hard will you work to get over that brick wall and how creative can you be to find a way over it?