Happiness vs. misery; good fortune vs. bad; the deciding factor in all of these is the perspective you choose to take. Yes, I said "choose".
Most people feel they don't have a choice, life is either good or bad, they are lucky or unlucky; but that is not fully correct. The truth is we all decide which side we fall on by the way we decide to see things. This past summer there was an incredible example of this. Those of you who watched the women's olympic gymnastics competition know what I'm referring to.
The anticipation waiting for the final scores in the all-around finals was palpable; the entire stadium, and probably everyone watching at home were at the edge of their seats. Two women were waiting to see who won the gold: American Gabby Douglas or Russian Viktoria Komova; at the same time two women were waiting to see who won the bronze: Russian Aliya Mustafina or American Aly Raisman. Four women, three medals, clearly someone was going home empty-handed.
Gabby took the gold leaving Viktoria sobbing uncontrolably at getting "only" the silver. At first it was heartbreaking to watch. But then something fascinating happened right next to them: Aliya and Aly held their breaths each waiting to see who would be the lucky one to get the bronze. Aliya was declared the winner and it was clear that she felt elated while her teammate Viktoria was devasted at getting the silver. The bronze winner was happier than the silver, how was this possible?
This was a clear example of perspective determining happiness. The young woman who ranked second in the world felt like a loser, but the woman who won the bronze felt like the biggest winner. Researchers (Victoria Medven, Scott Madey and Thomas Gilovich, 1992) have found that bronze medalists tend to be happier than silver. The reason seems to be that silver medalists are haunted with "I came so close" and "if only I had..." thoughts, while bronze medalists are thrilled that they at least got a medal.
We cannot control many of the events that life brings to us, but how we perceive those events will determine how happy (or unhappy) we will be. The next time you find yourself feeling upset or that the world is unfair ask yourself if you can see the glass as half-full instead of half-empty. It may not change the circumstances in your life but it will probably make you happier along the way.
