Knock-Knock…..It’s Your Anger.  I Have Something To Tell You

We’ve all been there: yelling, clenched fists or teeth, perhaps an intense feeling of being right, or having been wronged, feeling like no one understands….leading to an overwhelming sense of anger.

What do you do with your anger?

                Do you explode?

                Do you become sarcastic or mean?

                Do you stuff it inside?

                Do you redirect it into some other behavior that is self-destructive?

How do you feel after you’ve been angry?

                Frustrated?

                Ashamed? 

                Confused?

                Scared?

How are your relationships after an instance of anger?

                Damaged?

                Conflicted?

Anger is an important and misunderstood emotion.  In most cases, anger is there to protect us from the more vulnerable feelings of sadness and hurt.  Something happens that makes us feel hurt and/or sad (betrayal, de-validation, etc.) but it’s too hard to expose those feelings, so our anger steps in and comes to our defense.  While this makes a lot of sense, it tends to wreak havoc in our relationships and sometimes within ourselves if we engage in self-destructive behaviors.

The anger you feel has important information for you if you can listen to it.  The next time you are angry, ask yourself what vulnerable feelings might be hiding beneath your anger.  See if you can feel safe enough to express them, first to yourself and next to someone else.   With practice and increased awareness (and possibly some support and help), you can begin to react differently when you get hurt or sad and you may find that you act upon your anger in healthier, less destructive ways.