It tends to upset the people around us, it can damage relationships and we are often made to feel ashamed of ourselves for it.
While it's true that we need to be mindful and aware of how we manage anger, there's nothing wrong with the emotion itself. In fact, if you listen to it, your anger has a lot of important information for you.
Anger is a sign that someone/something is hurting you and that a need or boundary has been violated
Imagine if there were a loud alarm when someone stepped too close to the edge of a train platform - it would be startling, disruptive and even scary but with an important purpose - it would be saying "Back up before you get hurt!!"
Like the alarm, anger is a way of protecting you from being harmed. When someone violates our safety (physically, emotionally, professionally, etc), makes us feel unimportant or worthless, hurts our loved ones or threatens our wellbeing anger steps in to get the other person to back off and to reestablish our boundaries.
Think of a few examples when you've become angry - it's likely that you felt violated. Sometimes the offense is easy to identify - a coworker keeps taking important things off your desk without permission; but triggers can be subtle too - like feeling mistreated, being wrongly accused, talked about behind your back or having an important belief or value dismissed, these are violations of our self esteem, self-worth and social connections.
Understanding why you're angry can help you manage it more effectively
Once you understand why you're angry and which of your needs require protection, it becomes easier to handle and less likely to be destructive.
The next time you're angry, instead of focusing on what the other person did to upset you, try understanding the hurt and/or fear you're feeling inside (here's a hint: the big violations are easy to spot, but the daily ones are usually about feeling dismissed, disrespected, unimportant).
Once you've done this, you'll find it much easier to explain what you're feeling. Rather than attacking the other person in order to feel safe, you will be able to focus on your own boundaries and how to protect them.
